Night Off!

so apparently i have the night off...
i don't even know what to do!! haha...
i was completely prepared to actually go to watch!
i bought a mouse for my computer becuase schrock is making me play this game called "Warcraft III"
i'm not good at getting into it, but it wastes time i suppose.

i miss my baby.
sean is my everything and now i have to do it on my own.
i love him times a million!

SWEET HAIR DUDE

my hair is awesome.
it might need a bit of cleansing though...

P.S.
you know what's fun?
when you're just a driving through Kuwait... and one of your vehicles get a flat tire... becuase the guy driving it sucks at driving.

so you pull over and everyone has to put their guns in condition 3... meaning put the magazine's in the guns... so it can be ready to shoot ...

anyway..
and you're standing there while the other MEN change the tire... and you're just waiting for some car to drive up and start shooting, or... blow up or something.

Prayers

I need prayers again. I keep feeling so hopeless... I mean, I do like it here, but I get teased daily, and by people close to me, and then I get tired so quickly and you know how I am when I'm tired, I'm cranky and I snap at people.

I'm losing weight like crazy, I'm down to 160. From 175... I keep forgetting to eat.

I've yelled at people twice in the last week... just because I'm not getting what I want.

I got called a drama queen tonight, which almost brought me to tears... They said, "Joy, I'm going to be honest, you're a drama queen. You create drama"

And that's the opposite of what I want. I just... I don't know how to live anymore, I just want to be myself, but when I feel the most like myself, I get the most flack for it, I get teased, and I so then I shut down and seclude myself from everyone.

I just feel like no one understands me and the people who think they do just hurt me more.

I need prayers... and I need God... but I don't even know how to start getting back into a relationship with God anymore...I pray and I hear him, but I just... I feel like he's not living in me... I feel like he's on the phone or something...

Rather Large Update

So, lets see here, Sean and I are doing great! We're so excited to get back to virginia! I like it here, but I'm glad to be going home and being able to be with Sean more. We're good, I think what I needed to see was that we were so obsessed with each other and that we needed to have lives outside of each other and be able to have girls nights out and guys nights out, and do stuff that didn't involve just us two. I haven't got to see him yet, but I still know that he's perfect for me.... I don't know, now looking back I think that all that questioning a few months ago was all about testing our relationship. I was being tempted to break it off with him because I had other opportunities to date other guys and instead of knowing that I should stay with him I was thinking other ways, and now looking back I think it was just a test for me because usually I would have just broken up with the guy, but now I see that I love him and I am very glad we made it through that hard time.

Lets see something interesting... umm... I don't even know... OH! I know...
So about a week ago, we were going through the gates to get on base and there are usually two gates you have to go through to get back onto base. The first one they check your ID and the second you clear your weapons and they check your car...

We showed them our ID's at the first one and then the song Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake came on... and so I started dancing and I was telling the Army dude at the gate "How can you NOT dance to Sexy Back?" and he laughed it was kind of a joke and then I stopped dancing

We drove to the next gate... We cleared our weapons and got back in the vehicle and all of a sudden we look in front of us and there is a BIG commotion and they were shutting all the gates and this Kuwaiti Army Major was talking to these US Army dudes and he was waving his arms and moving around and he looked ANGRY! We're like WHAT HAPPENED?

Our chief comes up to our vehicle and he was like, "What'd you guys do? That guy was chasing down your vehicle from the last gate!" and we didn't know...
So he goes up to my chief and tells him "The female, in the front seat, she was dancing!"
My chief goes "uh, okay"
The major goes "THAT IS O KAY?"
My chief says "uh, yeah."
So they got MY name, my chief's name, and my commanders name and they were trying to make a big deal about it. Saying that it's not appropriate to dance in uniform and it's probably because I'm a female too. And that I was in the front seat of a vehicle.

But my chief talked to my CO, my XO, and my OIC (commanding officer, executive officer, and officer in charge) and they all laughed and think it's hilarious.... so I'm not in trouble I just have to not dance which is hard because I'm a fairly upbeat person and I like to have fun and dance... but oh well..


Two things:
1. I'm thinking about becoming an officer.
2. Yes, Sean and I wanna get married as soon as we can.

If I make officer I think he's going to try and get out and then he'll take care of the kids at home... he says that he wants that... I don't see how that would work, but okay...
and if not, we're planning on getting married as soon as I'm out of the navy which would be April 4, 2011 I think...

Life In Kuwait (so far)

so... chillin in kuwait.
my eyes hurt.