Prayers

I need prayers again. I keep feeling so hopeless... I mean, I do like it here, but I get teased daily, and by people close to me, and then I get tired so quickly and you know how I am when I'm tired, I'm cranky and I snap at people.

I'm losing weight like crazy, I'm down to 160. From 175... I keep forgetting to eat.

I've yelled at people twice in the last week... just because I'm not getting what I want.

I got called a drama queen tonight, which almost brought me to tears... They said, "Joy, I'm going to be honest, you're a drama queen. You create drama"

And that's the opposite of what I want. I just... I don't know how to live anymore, I just want to be myself, but when I feel the most like myself, I get the most flack for it, I get teased, and I so then I shut down and seclude myself from everyone.

I just feel like no one understands me and the people who think they do just hurt me more.

I need prayers... and I need God... but I don't even know how to start getting back into a relationship with God anymore...I pray and I hear him, but I just... I feel like he's not living in me... I feel like he's on the phone or something...