New Music. New Update.

chillin.
had the day off.
still hanging out all by myself. all the time.
i guess if i was desperate i could have hung out with people. rhian invited me to go swimming today, but i didn't. sally said seh'd go after her nap but she didn't wake up til 4pm... so, i didn't go.
cuesta laughed when he saw me today. he said it's because he likes to tease me. our conversations are so weird and random. they are like teasing and joking and sarcasm hte whole way around. we never actually talk about anything. whatever, i don't plan on getting to know him well enough for that to happen anyway.

NEW MUSIC DOWNLOADED:
miley cyrus - break out
rihanna - good girl gone bad
danity kane - welcome to the dollhouse
the beatles - the white album
p!nk - so what
elvis - 50 greatest hits

SHOES

he's gone.
he left.
i am alone.

on the bright side. i am getting tons of letters!
i love soldiers angels.

i own these shoes!

Packages & Letters

so our divo (divisional officer in charge) signed us up for "Angels for Soldiers" and now i'm recieving all these letters. which is cool.

this one lady is from las vegas and she keeps sending me packages!! it's so cool! she's really nice too.

ALSO! i found out me and sean CAN get married so we moved the date back to June 20th, 2009 and we're going to do it in my parents back yard!! it's going to be so awesome!! oh i'm pumped!!

sean said he's probably going to propose to me again which is awesome! he wants it to be a big romantic surprise since i've never been swept off my feet before :)

oh glory!

p.s. my niece is so adorable!

Mini-Update

okay lets see if i can update.
sean is here to stay. for a while anyway.

been planning the party pad our place will be.

got in trouble for him being in my berthing.

idk...
we argue a bit, but i think we're both too stubborn to change our opinions on situations, but too in love to care too much about the whole deal.

my hair is short.
it hasn't been this short in umm... 3 years? or something.
i'm working on growing it out.
i wrecked it last spring. shouldn't have done that.
should have stuck with brown hair.
i look better with brown hair anyway.

okay.

Cut The Hair.

i cut my hair AGAIN!

hopefully THIS one i'll be able to grow out.


i get to be with my man!
he's the best of the best of the best!


SCARY!!!

we're going swimming later because i got the day off.

Fights & Forgiveness

so we got in a fight.
it was horrible times a million.
i totally thought he was going to leave me forever.
but he forgave me.
life without him would have been the worst.

then one day, he shows up at 11pm at my door!
he got r&r here so we can see eachother.
only, i had to work 4 days of 12 hour days so i could only hang out with him a few hours before i had to get some sleep.
and now i'm back to 8 hour days.
PROBLEM: they are making him work, even though he's taking a break.
it sucks.
tonight we were doing laundry and this guy comes in and goes "you have to go get dressed and get a weapon." and sean was gone. off to the airport to pick some people up i guess.
i love him.




so yeah. i tried watching semi-pro. i got bored. maybe i'll fold his laundry and go back to the barracks and watch it.

OH!! YEAH!
ALSO
so... i got an email the other day that my brother's wife had a daughter. Alisen Elizabeth.
I didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

but also happy. i'm an aunt. :)
i sent them lots of presents.

NEW HAIR again.

Night Off!

so apparently i have the night off...
i don't even know what to do!! haha...
i was completely prepared to actually go to watch!
i bought a mouse for my computer becuase schrock is making me play this game called "Warcraft III"
i'm not good at getting into it, but it wastes time i suppose.

i miss my baby.
sean is my everything and now i have to do it on my own.
i love him times a million!

SWEET HAIR DUDE

my hair is awesome.
it might need a bit of cleansing though...

P.S.
you know what's fun?
when you're just a driving through Kuwait... and one of your vehicles get a flat tire... becuase the guy driving it sucks at driving.

so you pull over and everyone has to put their guns in condition 3... meaning put the magazine's in the guns... so it can be ready to shoot ...

anyway..
and you're standing there while the other MEN change the tire... and you're just waiting for some car to drive up and start shooting, or... blow up or something.

Prayers

I need prayers again. I keep feeling so hopeless... I mean, I do like it here, but I get teased daily, and by people close to me, and then I get tired so quickly and you know how I am when I'm tired, I'm cranky and I snap at people.

I'm losing weight like crazy, I'm down to 160. From 175... I keep forgetting to eat.

I've yelled at people twice in the last week... just because I'm not getting what I want.

I got called a drama queen tonight, which almost brought me to tears... They said, "Joy, I'm going to be honest, you're a drama queen. You create drama"

And that's the opposite of what I want. I just... I don't know how to live anymore, I just want to be myself, but when I feel the most like myself, I get the most flack for it, I get teased, and I so then I shut down and seclude myself from everyone.

I just feel like no one understands me and the people who think they do just hurt me more.

I need prayers... and I need God... but I don't even know how to start getting back into a relationship with God anymore...I pray and I hear him, but I just... I feel like he's not living in me... I feel like he's on the phone or something...